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--



light through the window,
     fight sayin lets go
   buckle up the headgear, helmet and all;
       hear me through the radio
             of war.

    feet moving to the proving grounds,
  fire a round-
   or three
                silence-
          not a sound

                             CRACK

       through the visor, head jerking higher;
recoil from a .2 round-
                  soldiers shouting
        "GET DOWN"
     shuffling on the ground amidst muffling shells
and baffling noises straight from hell.

           "incoming!"
the radio blares;
        moonlight glares on dead men's faces,
  as team mates misplace ammunition cases.
     screaming
             cant find it!?
  as we scramble like flies not quite ready to die,
                          i hope you lie

  pinned under crossfire, the shells
thunder down; the heavens hailing bullets
at failing bodies
           flailing
             in the shrapnel storm.

and then she came, from the clouds through the rain
           and morphine coated pain, 20 megatons
  of red white and blue flying straight and true
              into the heat of battle,
     to beat the conquered and wipe my face clean (off),
so that it seems theres no one left
        to report the theft
             of lives at fault,
                who lost it all
                     in war.



--
©2004-2009 ~sto67
:iconsto67:

Author's Comments

i think i understand *haunt's style now.
its not really just for fun, or for the interest. it has a purpose.
i hope i used it to effect

in mandarin chinese, "zhan" means war, pronounced "j-arn"... damn i suck lol

(EDIT - cut out croxxfire, f@ck, replaced "reinforcements" with "incoming". made more spoken word less experimental. needs help with structure, word choice and flow)

Comments


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:icondeconiv:
I like it. The poem starts out getting ready for a fight and then waxes and wains until the triumphant yet bitter end.

One thing to note though, a .2 round......more common would be a .223 round found in an M16/AR-15. Maybe that's what you were referring to?
:iconyukin:
The line breaks serve a very good purpose; for each line a read, I envisioned the heat and danger of war. However, there are some aspects of this poem which I am confused about. Why did you purposely spell "crossfire" with two xx, and the brackets for the "(d)iie"

As for criticism, saying "f@ck" is more a cliched word; and since I do not want to get hassled later on that I wrote a racist comment, I'll just leave it at that. Nevertheless, great poem, and a nicely done job at flowing the ideas across your poem.
:iconsto67:
thanks for the fave :D
i made it point 2 because it read better, i put this under spoken word for a reason :)
but honestly speaking, i do not know which rounds people use in the armed forced
:icondeconiv:
Ahh....I missed the "spoken word" portion. Still, a solid piece altogether. Good job.
:icondragonorion:
I like it a lot!

~Orion

--
zerflin: [link]
:iconvivzy:
I like the poem as well, and the way you lay it out kind of adds to the movement and chaotic scene that's created giving the whole piece a more haphazard, spontaneous feeling to it. As with most of your poems, i really like how it ends...only thing about the poem that confuses me is the spelling of "f@ck" and "(d)lie" (i actually find the part where it says "croxxfire" quite interesting :P)
:iconsto67:
thx viv

mostly experimental here. "(d)lie" just shows an alternate spelling "die/lie"
and "f@ck" was experimental too, just to see reader reaction
much like "croxxfire"

glad you liked it :D
:iconvivzy:
haha well this reader's reaction to "f@ck" was "you're kidding me." :P

Details

August 24, 2004
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